The NYTimes put out an article which asked writers which books they would cut down if they could. I believe Stephen King's response was the best:
Certainly the Bible could use cutting; think of all those begats, not to mention minor-league prophets such as Habbakuk (there isn’t even a car dealership named after him).
What about “Ulysses”? All that tiresome stream of consciousness could go.
And there is “Gone With the Wind,” which I would shorten to this:
“Civil War?” said Scarlett.
“Fiddle-de-dee!”
But Atlanta burned! Rhett left!
“I will think about it tomorrow,” said Scarlett, “for tomorrow is another day.”
That’s so good you could probably fit “Dombey and Son” in the same edition. Or shorten “Tess of the D’Urbervilles” to a National Enquirer headline:
UNFORTUNATE GIRL SLEEPS THROUGH RAPE, IS LATER HUNG.
1 comment:
Awesome. I agree, the bible could use some editing. I think River said it best..."Bible's broken. Contradictions, false logistics - doesn't make sense...So we'll integrate non-progressional evolution theory with God's creation of Eden. Eleven inherent metaphoric parallels already there. Eleven. Important number. Prime number. One goes into the house of eleven eleven times, but always comes out one. Noah's ark is a problem...We'll have to call it early quantum state phenomenon. Only way to fit 5000 species of mammal on the same boat."
-Captain Bloody Nose
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