Sometimes I hate looking foreign in Korea

Last night, I hung out with Margaret and Susie. We made cookies (which turned out white and elastic...but that's another story) then returned to my apartment. The beautiful weather and our aversion to drinking that night inspired us to buy fruit, sit on a bench, and people watch. Now, when I say "people watch" I don't mean in a creepy stalker way. People watching consists of noting specific things in what's going on around you, particularly related to the people.

While sitting on our public bench, we got more than our fair share of interesting people interactions. Those of you who are in Korea will probably know exactly what kind of story I'm going to tell next. Those of you who haven't been to Korea on a Saturday night, on a public bench situated next to a multitude of Family/GS Marts, kimbap places, and noraebangs, well, just read on.

I was just eating my apple. I was thoroughly enjoying fresh produce with good company on a comfortable September night. Susie, Margaret, and I were talking about nothing noteworthy when the inevitable happened: we were approached by less-than-sober older Korean men.

Now, for the record, I've NEVER felt unsafe in Korea. This remains true, though I have to admit that I have felt uncomfortable/awkward/livid in Korea.

The first guy kinda hobbled up to us. He approached alone, though I'm pretty sure his wife was the lady standing a couple feet away from him. He cocked his head sideways and stared at me. I could see the wheels creaking in his head (rusty from soju), trying to formulate something to say. Finally, he says to me "Is that apple delicious?" (in Korean) I replied, "Nae." (Which means "yes" in Korean.) He looked shocked that I understood him and this must have momentarily distracted him. He checked his balance then said, "Is the apple really delicious?" and gestured like he was eating an apple himself. "Nae," I said. Then he stepped closer and reached out his hand. THIS momentarily shocked ME. "I'm not giving you my apple," I said in English and shook my head. I had to giggle for the sheer ridiculousness of the situation. This guy was trying to steal my apple! This repeated itself twice more, with the addition of Margaret laughing in the background. The man then asked where I lived. "I'm not telling you where I live, " I replied in English. He asked if I lived here. "Cheonan-si," said Susie. (Another city outside of Seoul, to those of you unfamiliar with Korean geography.) He asked where I lived again, and again we shot him down. The guy again took a while to process this information, saw that his friends were leaving, and departed, but not before cracking a grin and saying, "You pretty," to me as he left.

When he was gone, the three of us shared a few laughs about the effects of late night drinking. I shook my head and shuddered to get over the event. A group of Chinese business men passed by on their way to another bar. They unabashedly stared at us and talked about us in Chinese. We made comments amongst ourselves about dirty old men.

We were just settling into a nice evening, when once again, we were approached by a less-than-sober older Korean man. This one had seen the first one talk to us and must've gotten the guts (and the idea) to do the same. We all sighed as the new man (we'll call him Adjussi2 - "adjussi" means adult man in Korean) walked precariously up to us.

Now, I can't recall the details of what transpired, but this is the gist of it. Adjussi2 asked where I'm from and where I live. He didn't believe that Susie was American and didn't even seem interested in Margaret. (I've got the only blue eyes of the three of us.) So, I was subjected to the brunt of his attentions. By this time, I was tired of being polite, and just replied bluntly in English. He asked for my phone number. "There's no way I'm giving you my phone number. You're a stranger." He asked where I lived again. "You're a stranger. I don't know you." He then goes into a drawn-out story about his daughter who comes home at 1 or 2 AM after studying. It was now clear that Adjussi2 wanted me to tutor his daughter. At one point he got really close to me and reached out to touch my shoulder. I said sharply, "Don't touch me." "Ok, I no touch,"Adjussi2 said, and he kept on talking. The one-sided conversation kept on going until Susie took the initiative to get rid of him buy loudly saying, "NO." This slowed him down, but he didn't leave. I then spoke terrible Korean in an effort to get our point across. "Adjussi, yogi, chigum, an iagiheyo." (This translates to "Mr., here, now, not want to chat.") I forgot a grammar rule when saying it, misplacing "an" when it should have gone before the "heyo." Regardless, Adjussi2 looked at me, put his hand to his chest and said, "Ok, I understand. Goodbye." He came up to me and wanted to shake my hand. Since he was leaving, I shook his hand. "Phone number?" he asked. "No!" "TOEIC? (and some more Korean)" "No! I'm not tutoring your daughter." He nodded a bit then left.

We all sighed with relief. Margaret chuckled. Susie said she had never experienced that before (because she's Korean-American and doesn't get approached like that). She said she was happy to have experienced it because now she knows how to advise the new ETAs who find themselves in similar situations. Then a strange thing happened, I became upset. I mean, I didn't cry or yell or anything dramatic like that. But, the rest of the night I felt a pit in my stomach, even when I knew I shouldn't.

I couldn't put my finger on why that situation made me emotional. Nowadays, it takes a lot to get me upset with Korea. However, that night managed to make me feel angry, disgusted, and sad - then guilty about feeling those things.

Most people would've recommended to walk away from the situation to avoid it escalating. I know this is probably the wisest thing to do, and I've done it in the past! I've walked away from something like this more times than I can remember. But, this time I stood my ground. I was sick of being run off. I feel I have a right go to public places, even though I am foreign. I hate changing my plans because some Koreans assume foreigners want to tutor strangers' kids. When I go out in public, I don't like being treated like a novelty, amusement, or free language partner. I DON'T WANT TO BE HARASSED BY DRUNKEN OLD MEN! Is that too much to ask?

Susie mentioned how responding in English that the Koreans can't understand didn't help the situation. I realize this and agree. It didn't help. But, at that moment, I was TIRED of politely telling the non-sober old men that I don't want to give them private information. I was tired of playing by their rules. I was tired of them not blushing when making me feel uncomfortable. If they were going to approach me in an obviously intrusive manner, I felt it perfectly acceptable to respond in way that made them a little uncomfortable too.

Talking to a foreigner is a cheap thrill to guys like the first man who approached me. Do they ever realize how they're making ME feel? Would Adjussi2 want a foreign man approaching his daughter at 10 PM in a foreign country? Have they ever stopped to think about it? I doubt it.

That's why I was angry. No matter how culturally understanding I try to be towards Korea, it isn't always reciprocated toward foreigners. It's really frustrating. I hate being pushed around. I hate feeling like someone has the upper hand in the situation. I hate feeling mistreated because I'm foreign, because I'm a girl, because I'm beautiful in a relatively exotic way.

This is yet another reason why I should learn to speak Korean. As soon as I was home, I looked up the Korean phrases for "stranger" and "I don't want to talk to you." Hopefully, next time I'll be confident enough in my Korean to simply explain my feelings and avoid a similar situation altogether.

Ok, I feel better now. Venting complete.